preteentious

i did a really cool/attention-seeking rap

2011-03-05T23:39:00.000-08:00

i don't know how to embed a video, just go to this cool website it is called 'vimeo'. hopefully this will become viral or something within a certain group of people and i will achieve a sliver of micro-fame. http://bit.ly/hgUD57

flarf poem/vaguely self-deprecating comments

2011-01-30T18:19:00.000-08:00

news/'career updates' - i have a poem and a story published in pop serial 2, i don't know if this is available for purchase or not, i assume that at some point in will be available for free as a pdf, it has many well known writers in it.

i have 3 or 4 poems published at new wave vomit, i don't remember what number i am but it's around 100 i think

this is a poem i 'composed' maybe 2 years ago, before i knew what type of poem it was. i discovered maybe 1 year of writing that it was a 'flarf' poem and mentally discarded that as uninteresting and 'all the same shit'. i guess when i made it i thought i was being really original and arty by putting together bits of spam email into one cohesive thing, which even had some sort of non-linear storyline. now, because of reasons including but not limited to; my desire to re-establish an internet presence, my lack of recent creative output, it's seeming unpublishability and steve roggenbuck's 're-awakening' of flarf poetry, i decided to post it on my blog. here it is, possibly or possibly not properly formatted because i can't do that shit.

cate what did you play on the computer then

let me preface this by saying that there is no one size fits all eating plan for someone with hormonal issues for some women cysts irregular cycles lack of ovulation and too much testosterone and its effects are directly related to bad insulin regulation in their body for these women they may be able to restore better regularity with avoiding blood sugar spikes by not eating carbohydrates therefore eliminating the insulin problem that is why so many women can conceive with metformin or glucophage because these medicines work at that level

i love all the sweet artistically talented bloggers that offer free downloads around holidays for us readers

project 31 is rolling along i have donations for every single item i need for the 31 newborn kits and lots of fabric donations and i will sew until there are 31 baby quilts too thank you SO much i was overwhelmed by the awesome response packages are starting to arrive i will be sure to post some pictures when i get it all together and ready to take to the humanitarian center my heart is happy

breakfast i always have two eggs and salsa always i dont really get sick of it and it would really suck if i did because theres not a lot out there for breakfast actually when you are at your ideal weight and ovulating regularly you can have any kind of whole grain hot cereal without a problem you know steel cut oats etc i am not quite there yet berries and grapes are pretty low on the glycemic index and i have those too oh and i love cottage cheese with fruit

seriously though my closest friends are fun real and honest good entertaining in love with life a little crazy down to earth deep and incapable of bs

off to the kindergarten valentines day party

cate and i went through some of the free options around the web for valentines to download and print

well as it turns out it was me who needed her the most i think if the test of the greatest among us is the one who will be the servant than penny wins in this house ok animal people i get it i really really get it

grant and i listened and danced to his music on valentines day

1 make stuff knit 2 april 3 fond of 4 crochet stack 5 noon 8 6 layering 7 7mos 8 afternoon 9 sleepy mama 10 waiting for me 11 theres only one captain on this boat 12 very special scarves 13 michelle williams ♥ 14 new drawing corner 15 the other side 16 untitled 17 pride and joy 18 steven alan imitation 19 atthestove 20 untitled 21 film207 22 hi 23 working 24 lashes 25 s t i l l morning quiet time 26 anthem for a 17 year-old girl 27 untitled 28 reasons for staying 29 untitled 30 book girl 31 untitled 32 ships ahoy 33 juke box 34 35 grapefruit & new curtains 36 games

for anthro

one of my resolutions for 2009 was to stop ignoring the etsy shop and to not spin my wheels all day (these two problems are very related) i am the queen of walking in circles around the house and not really getting anything accomplished i wouldnt care except for that it drives me nuts part of the problem is my insomniatic nights which leave me only half there during the day times ( which then leads to high caffeine consumption) so i decided step one is to get good nights sleeps i am trying to change my night time routine to a peaceful herbal tea quiet inspiration seeking few hours it helps if i keep our room clean and the sheets freshly washed and calming reading more- tv less- at night is a goal then hopefully my days will be a little more with it because i hate wasting time

we lived on a corner in a typical oc tract neighborhood

lunch whole wheat pita with tuna or deli meat or a big salad with grilled chicken

Yummy fabric ready to ship

and as ive been laying in my misery ive been thinking a lot about that penny and just how lonely id be if she wasnt there with me

me 1982

i never thought life would then take me to utah to attend byu and then off to serve as a missionary for a year and a half but it did and it was hardest most surprising most rewarding experience of my life

acre of land is my favorite song of his

latest tao lin contest, only things i post now, it seems

2010-08-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

[not part of essay, word count is 6153, potentially 150-200 (i didn't count/read what i wrote) in quotes, i estimate 80% is directly on topic]

Richard Yates

Richard Yates is Tao Lin’s second novel etc… Tao Lin is a young exciting new writer etc…

First Time I Heard About Richard Yates (from here on out referred to as ‘RY’)

I first head about RY, before I knew it was RY, at around the same time I heard of Tao Lin. It was then still untitled and had had shares of it recently sold. The share selling seems like an innovative new idea and gathered Tao press at the time. Tao has done many other things I would classify as similar to this, including the contest I am currently writing for. I’m gonna spend a long time writing this, seems worth it though for ‘250 big ones’. This contest is, I’m assuming, counted as relevant. Gawker just posted a ‘piece’/article by Tao without mentioning it though, seems like somehow bad faith for them to do that, especially considering his history with them (http://gawker.com/news/glaring-omissions/now-we-also-hate-miranda-july-272734.php) I can’t figure out how to hyperlink the words “his history” in MSWord 2008 sorry. Also, the contents of that article make me laugh a lot esp. tao’s first email to gawker:

“Hello,

I'm a hot young (b. 1983) writer who went to NYU. My forthcoming books have ironic covers. Miranda July is inside the novel. I'm ambitious, sexy, and intelligent. My IQ is 173. I recognize both existential truths and the necessity of politics for a meaningful existence.

Though all meaning is arbitrary it can still be used as a tool just like arbitrary rules can be created to make life "better." I hope you understand.

I hope you recognize that I'm hot, young, that I went to NYU, and have ironic book-covers. I think you know what all this means.

Sincerely,

Tao Lin”

I can’t figure out how to change the font back to what it was before now, god damn. The spacing is fucked up too fml. Tao’s ‘wit’ is, I think, very well conveyed in this email. The part I like the most is the last sentence/paragraph. I feel like I can genuinely write over 10000 words on this subject because I am not editing at all and, essentially, ‘not giving a shit’ how I write in this. I recommend you stop reading it you won’t enjoy it and your opinion of me will go below whatever level it was at before I really just want quantity over quality right now.

The Next Time I Heard About Richard Yates

I remember confusing what would become ry for sfaa a lot before I really found out the difference between them (eg novella/novel). This was I think because sfaa was coming out or had just come out or was just about to come out at the time I found about the ‘tao becoming a corporation’ thing. I kept looking for people talking about how most of the profits from it weren’t gonna go to tao but then I heard ry was coming out and I realised that that was the book not sfaa. Even now I haven’t head anything by anybody about most of the profits from Richard Yates not going to tao but going to his parents/someone/someone else. It seems surprising how little coverage tao has got re. ry so far like not really anyone has talked about it. Seems like the only people who will find out about it before it comes out are the people who already know about tao which doesn’t seem like the best marketing strategy but I’m not in advertising. Melville house probably sponsored this competition, which seems like a cheap way but ultimately fairly ineffective way of promoting ry, especially since gawker didn’t say anything about it and no one else is covering it. Tao seems to be sending out a lot of stickers as well, this is probably more functional and possibly cheaper as a way of advertising – assuming people put the stickers in public places like I guess they were supposed to be. I didn’t that (via. Apathy) so maybe it’s not that effective, who knows.

The Time I Found Out It Was Called Richard Yates

When I found out it was called Richard Yates I felt confused – I was like “is this a biography of Richard Yates which ha been fictionalized or something” I can’t remember exactly but I think I didn’t know any of the plot until a little while later, maybe until the formspring account for it opened. When that happened I wrote the question “is Richard Yates a biography of Richard Yates” and tao said “no”. this is, I feel, somehow metaphorical in the sense that everything is a metaphor for everything else depending on context/goal. I didn’t hear anyone else say/write anything about ry being a stupid title or a misleading title or a [something] title so it’s possible I’m just dumb or too rooted in conventional book titles and not avant-garde enough to understand it. I know tao like Richard Yates the author, I like Richard Yates the author too. Maybe the book is a shoutout to him and his inspiration to tao or maybe it will be intensely in Yates’s style somehow. That seems too literal sorry. I hope I can keep this 70% on topic somehow.

When I Found Out About The Plot/Character Names

The main characters are called Dakota Fanning and Haley Joel-Osment. I genuinely don’t know whether this is true or not, tao has said it is in what seemed like a non-joking way but the idea is so ridiculous that I can’t tell whether it’s true or not. I don’t know if he has cleared it with haley or Dakota or if he will potentially get sued for using their names/likenesses. I don’t really know who haley joel osment is but I think Dakota fanning is really pretty now, she gets raped in one of her movies isn’t that weird? Actually thinking about I still don’t really know what the plot is I think something to do with writers who I guess are probably haley and Dakota – one of those is probably actually tao as well god so many layers ugh. The blurbiest blurb on Melville house website says “What constitutes illicit sex for a generation with no rules” (or something to that effect I think I may have misquoted) that seems really like it is trying to be controversial or make a point about moral decay in today’s society and change tao’s brand to that of a moralistic young member of the Christian right. Probably the only asian member. The first sentence on the actual page says something about a stunning change in direction so I might be right. Seems like I’m not right now, sorry. Dark, brooding, sophisticated, mesmerizing and illicit are the adjectives used to describe it in the first paragraph. Really seems like they’re trying to brand as, somehow, gothic or something to expand tao’s audience to include alienated ‘emo kids’ as well as detached hipsters or something like that, this is maybe because urban outfitters (who supply these people) started selling his last book. I think I looked at something saying it failed there though, maybe another bad marketing choice. Illicit is used again in the 2^nd paragraph god damn what is going on, seems like with this really strong ‘illicit’ branding and the recent gawker piece about shoplifting and getting arrested tao is trying to build a bad boy rebel image. This seems similar to what I said about the first thought catalog piece re. explicitly and repeatedly mentioning taking drugs. Really feeling the badness. This seems like a bad branding attempt, if that’s what it is, I guess I’m probably wrong seems like mhp doesn’t control what tao publishes outside of it and tao doesn’t control the mhp blurbs. Really feeling strongly critical of this shit right now. The story line sounds like something I have heard before, many times. I like tao’s writing though so hopefully he does it well (and with a rebellious streak, hehe). I swear I have used the phrase “Lin’s trademark minimalism” before, probably in a book report for school I guess, doesn’t seem like they would have actively plagiarized it from me. It’s a fairly stock phrase anyway. The adjectives in this paragraph are sharp-edged and lacerating. The inclusion of ‘suspense’ as well makes it sound like a ‘stock-standard’ paperback thriller/romance. God damn. Really hope you can pull this off tao, kinda feeling sincerely worried about whether ry will be good imo. Plot wise it seems like I won’t enjoy this, I hope the prose is really good and sharp edged. God, not even at 1500 words yet and I feel fucked. I actually feel really chipper now, let’s roll.

The Website Of The Book

Really boring, it seems. Nice quotes, esp. “Kafka for the iPhone generation.” That’s really good, probably the best endorsement someone could give a writer today. I’ve never heard of Clancy martin before though, is he famous or something. Let’s keep going through the quotes. Beckettian from the guardian, another good one, I heard beckett was really good I think. “A revolutionary” from the stranger. That’s’ just kinda boring and could really apply to anyone for anything at any time, not so good. “A deadpan literary trickster” sounds nice and fun but could have been in the context of a bad thing, depending on who was reviewing it. I’m withholding judgment. “Deeply smart, funny, and head-over-heels dedicated” I really dislike double hyphenation. Deeply smart and funny are good, but dedicated makes it sound like there is something bad about which keeps getting done anyway. w/e. god damn am I really go through every fucking quote. Yes. “Prodigal, unpredictable… impossible to ignore” That’s a really good one, should be higher up on the page head-over-heels. The Miranda July one is on like every single one of tao’s books I really don’t want to analyse it I’ve read it too much. “Fascinating and articulate.” From Emily Gould is nice, who’s Emily gould she sounds familiar, oh, gawker, ok. Seems like everyone hates her or something, after the jimmy kimmel thing, is that still a thing people hating Emily gould? anyway probably a good thing you have to scroll down to read her quote. The one from the SF Chronicle seems really good, maybe that publication isn’t respected enough for it to be higher. Tao wasn’t really debuting when he wrote bed/eee because he already had that one poetry book but w/e sf bay guardian. “Just might be the future of literature” makes tao sound really importantm which is a good thing to have on a book it seems. “Camus’ The Stranger or ‘sociopath?’” Potentially insulting/mean, seems like it will draw interest by questioning whether the author is a sociopath though because people seem really interested in sociopaths or at least I am really interested In sociopathy, is that a word sociopathy? “A master of understatement-or, rather, of statement” really endorses minimalism, good thing to cover, potentially very attractive to ‘hipsters’ because it’s from vice magazine. “Very funny.” From usa today is like the opposite of vice magazine one in that it’s the most boring bland non specific thing you could possibly say, other than “it’s good”. Meant maybe to appeal to middle America. “[‘eee’] is a wonderfully deadpan joke” funny seems to be a theme right now, this one is a lot better than the usa today one though. Here’s a really good one, “Shoplifting from American Apparel is the purest example so far of the minimalist aesthetic as it used to be enunciated” I really like that quote, but it seems maybe because I haven’t heard of Michael silverblatt he’s not famous and qualified to have his quote higher up. Also maybe that doesn’t appeal to a lot of people, like maybe I’m the only person who likes that sort of thing. “full of profound and often hilarious insights” should again be higher up, really not sure how these were arranged or anything. “purposefully raw”, makes him sound authentic and shit I dunno. The quotes all together make him sound really good, like well rounded and shit.

The Book Tour seems exciting, I remember seeing this video once where only 2 people showed up to a reading, seemed really funny.

I think I talked about stickers already, did I say they seemed like a good idea, they seem like a good idea I think.

Kind of exciting that he’s getting interviewed by the ap, they seem like maybe the biggest [thing] re. news. I don’t know if it actually is.

The Cover Of Richard Yates

The first time I saw the cover of ry I was like what the fuck is this. I genuinely thought the conch was like a vagina or something at first or gum or something but then I saw someone call it a conch and I realised what it was. Seems really dumb, of me, to think that. I don’t know how I did, it looks a lot more like a shell than a vag. Even after I realised what it was I didn’t get it. I still don’t get it, is it supposed to signify something or just be there. I have a navy blue shirt similar to the one worn in the photo. I don’t like the hat the guy is wearing, is it supposed to be a hipster thing maybe, seems like hipsters don’t wear those hats. No one wears those hats. Bad decision to put the hat on, maybe the model had bad hair or something it does look curly underneath the hat. The wallpaper in the background seems reminiscent of in that one scene in garden state even though it doesn’t look like it. does everyone remember that scene. The layout is basically just the same as every other tao lin mhp book. It works, looks good. Oh god damn fuck shit. I thought I was being really inventive and analytical when I ‘shit talked’ the use of illicit so many times before but the fucker from html giant already did that. I’m not taking it out of mine just acknowledging that I know someone else did it and I didn’t know they did ok i’m not a thief. The HTMLGiant review seemed impossible to breakdown/analyse when I read it, I might read it again but the writing seemed really dense and like it wasn’t really saying anything at all, or it was saying too much for me to understand. The only part of the review I really liked (apart from having my views re. ‘illicit’ confirmed) was this comment

“herp da derp derp derp  who the eff reads reviews anymore  fuckin they’re all just corporate sponsored ads or artsy circle-jerks, bro ‘ eff this shit’ to HELLLLLL bro  nah man nah ”

like, I genuinely laughed out loud when I read it I don’t even know why. I think it was the abundance of ‘l’s’ in hell as well as the circle jerk imagery. Oh another thing re. the illicitness. I guess I am the wrong age to understand this but a 16 yr old fucking a 22 year old seems fine. I guess where I live 16 is legal anyway so it’s not even illicit. But yeah, 16 and 22 seems normal, I’m 16 I could fuck a 22 year old it seems. Like if a 22 year old asked to be in a relationship with me which would involve sexual intercourse and also emotional commitment I would probably say yes. Basically I find this even less illicit than before. Maybe if the girl was 14 it would be interesting. Actually, that should be an edit to the book. Final edit change all instances of Dakota fanning’s age to 14 instead of 16. She’s 16 in real life though I guess, maybe make haley joel osment older. I asked someone today about the cover, in real life, and they said it was funny. I don’t get it. wouldn’t it be funny if Dakota fanning was called dick over fanny. Hahahaha. Just tweeted that. I feel like I’ve gone through the whole website now except for the rumpus book club. The rumpus book club seems like a good venture, but it is so expensive that I don’t think it will work. Tao might get some money from it though, which he’ll need via giving most of the profits to investors. I think it has the same problem as all tao’s other promotional ventures, wherein it only appeals to people who are already fans of tao. Fans of tao is another I can’t seem to understand, not why people like him but how many people like him. Like one time I was reading ‘eee’ in class and my high school English teacher knew what I was reading and was interested, but no one else I know in real life has heard of him as far as I know, even the people who are like hip or whatever.

Alt Report/HRO coverage in general

There has basically been none, except for one post re. the cover. Seems like if tao was carles there would have been more. I understand there will be an excerpt appearing there at some point in the same way there was with sfaa. This seems more like a win/win situation for both sides rather than a purely promotional tool for tao. The audience of tao and hro probably cross over a lot and either one could potentially get more hits/sales from this. Like I feel that new hro readers could be introduced to tao by this. Yeah seems like a good idea. Previous hro coverage re. tao has been, as far as I can tell, also very little. It seems dumb that people maybe still think tao is carles, like if tao was carles he would use it more for self promotion than he has done. Stupid. I really hope tao isn’t carles after writing that. I think now I should go through and write something about every one of tao’s books leading up to writing something else about Richard Yates.

This emotion was a little e-book – poems, I think. one of the first things by tao I ever read, if not the first thing by tao I ever read. I think at the time I felt really neutral about it or maybe liked it, I definitely remember liking hikikomori more. I don’t really want to reread it right now so this is all I can write about it.

Ttsibawwbbsaaspmaiwdort – short stories. I remember not understanding them, or not understanding the bear parade page layout or something when I read this. I think I felt bad while I was reading them, but enjoyed them ‘nonetheless’. I read the first story again recently and felt bad reading it, again. I don’t know if this a coincidence or if the stories make me feel bad. I didn’t read any of the other stories again.

Hikikomori – I think, even after reading bed/’eee’, that this is the piece of tao’s writing I enjoyed the most, on the first reading at least. Only half by tao lin. In the form of letters to Ellen kennedy. Sincerely enjoyed this a lot. Reread it every so often and enjoy it less and less, it seems. Didn’t read it often after I realised that.

You are a little bit happier than I am – I haven’t read this. I read an essay about the poems in it and I read a couple of the poems, I think. I liked the poems more than the ones in the ebooks. I like the name of it a lot.

Bed – short stories. Last book I read by tao, book I read most recently by tao I mean. Only read it once so far. I really like most of the stories. One of the stories I don’t like is the one about leftover crack. I like leftover crack but I just can’t handle that story for some reason. The story I like the most is the one with the giant squid. Actually the story I like the least is the other sample one, the sample ones are the worst imo it seems. I think the stories are more well developed than the ones in ttsibawwbbsaaspmaiwdort, but this might just be because they’re longer.

‘eee’ – I don’t really know what to say about ‘eee’. I really enjoyed reading it, I think it is the best long form prose I’ve read from tao. Which I guess just means I like it better than sfaa. But I don’t know if I understand for what it is supposed to be. That is one of my deepest neuroses I feel, that I maybe don’t understand things that other people do re. symbolism and stuff or that I make things too deep and over understand symbolism etc. anyway it’s good good job.

‘Sfaa’ – the first actual book of tao’s I read. Like in print. When I first read it I enjoyed it, a lot. I still enjoy reading it. I’ve read it more times than any of his other work, like maybe 3, but it seems to me that it is somehow objectively worse than ‘eee’, I don’t know why. Maybe because it’s short and I have some carry over from childhood re. long books mean smart books and good books. Significantly different to every other work, I feel, in prose style. I feel his other work owes much to ann beattie/lorrie moore whereas sfaa is very much his own style, or else derivative of hemingway or someone like that.

Richard Yates – should I imagine I have read Richard Yates and then write about how I felt about it? yes. Ry was the latest book by tao I read. I had low expectations going into it because I thought it would be mainstream and shitty and not like his other works. The prose style was very similar to sfaa, in it’s minimal/maximalism with attention to details rather than the ‘big picture’. It’s different in that it focuses on two people more than just one one person. I enjoyed reading it, but I felt like it was shittier than ‘eee’, it seems like ‘eee’ is the pinnacle of tao’s writing for me, I don’t know if I will ever think anything he writes is better than it. if this does happen it will probably be with a return to a more moore/beattie-esque style or with more overt metaphors or longer sentences or more absurdity or something.

That seemed to work out well. This is really more a freeform piece of writing than an essay.

The contest

Tao has many contests. I have entered many of these contests. I own 3 books of tao’s, and I bought none of them. He sent me ‘sfaa’ after I wrote a 1500 word essay re. him, he sent me ‘eee’ after I took a photo of me rubbing ‘sfaa’ against my crotch and he sent me bed after writing an article re. his Abramovic piece. After this contest he will hopefully send me 250 ‘big ones’ and a galley and a box of drafts. Every time I win one of these contests I feel really bad inside, for existentially pressuring tao to give me stuff for [less than] free. Especially since I live internationally and postage costs ~10 dollars every time. This one I feel less bad about because I’m assuming it is Melville house sponsored. The other ones may be too, who knows. The only thing I would feel about when winning one of these contests is if I won contest 3, and tao gave me his coin collection. I feel like that’s something intensely personal, which would, to me at least, have really strong sentimental value. Maybe tao doesn’t think/feel in the same way I do. i think this has relevance to Richard Yates through the contest having relevance to Richard Yates. The prizes seem really good, in relation to the work having been done for them. Especially the one for people turning around after you say Richard Yates. right now that only has 2 entries, god damn. I should really enter it so that I can let tao keep his coin collection. I still have to write like 2000 words to win hahahaha. I haven’t read any of the other entries to this contest because of my fear of accidentally copying things, like the htmlgiant illicit fiasco from earlier on even though I didn’t read that before writing it. let’s read the fishkind review and comment on that.

Fishkind Review

I enjoyed reading this review. I liked pretty much everything about it. that’s actually a lie. I don’t really care about david fishkind’s experiences with tao lin leading up to reading Richard Yates for the first time. I mean that in a not mean way. In the same way I wouldn’t want to read the thing I’m writing right now, because it has too much writing in it. I enjoyed reading his reaction to Richard Yates and the events immediately before ‘getting’ Richard Yates, especially the ‘helvetica’ sequence, which I found funny. The description of thought patterns, which david likes, is intriguing to me, like I feel I will like it too. This

“the relationship was destructive and discomforting, the love unreasonable and unrealistic”

seems like a really well constructed sentence. I’m not being facetious, I genuinely feel that’s a really good sentence. Every time I craft a sentence like that, with double alliteration and repetition of clause structure I feel proud of myself. Is that even clause structure I bet I sound fucking retarded I actually just made that up. I do like the sentence though, I didn’t make that up. Oh god, I didn’t realise until right now that every entry gets a free book. I thought people entered with ~1001 word essays because they thought no one else would or they wanted something finely crafted, not because they were just after a book. This seems like a more expensive promotion now. I wonder if this includes you are a little bit happier than I am. When I submit this I will either ask for that or cbt, because I don’t have either. Damn so many “Fragment (consider revising)” messages. There are two ways I can continue this essay, one includes analyzing something I wrote about tao already and the other includes analyzing various tweets of tao, specifically those related to Richard Yates. within the last 3 months there have only been 4 tweets related to Richard Yates. one of them references this context, referring to it as multimedia even though only two forms of media are really used, presumably because of progressive connotations to multimedia. Another is about Clancy martin’s endorsement re. kafka which I praised as one of the best earlier on in the review. Haha, the other mentions the illicit thing again. Because I read that tweet at some point I’m beginning to worry if I did actually steal that ‘angle’ somehow. Sincerely hope I didn’t, I thought I was being really creative. Tao seems to be as ‘wtf’ about as I am and as Justin taylor (I think) is. The other one is about the rumpus book club which I described earlier as basically destined for failure, which is unfortunate because it was a really good idea. Going back to feb 4^th reveals another reference to Richard Yates In the form of asking whether the cover is too sexual/too oceanographic. I think yes to both. The photographer who took the photo from the cover seems to be, to a certain degree, famous and has taken pictures of john waters and potentially other celebrities I didn’t realise so maybe he knows what he’s doing. The cover of Richard Yates is not included on the photographers website where other things similar to the cover of Richard Yates are, like other book covers. Now that we’re on the subject of the cover again I think I should clarify what I said re. the cover being similar in layout to tao’s other mhp books, while david fishkind explicitly mentioned it wasn’t. I meant in a narrow sense in that there was a picture and the title at the top and the authors name at the bottom, not in the wider sense he was meaning wherein the whole cover would be coloured. I apologise for any confusion.

Thirty days ny interview, really just a small sub title.

All I really have to say about this is more details re. the plot. Tao knows it is being marketed as an illicit sex novel, and seems to think it isn’t, which from reading about it I would agree with it, as already explained. I sincerely think it is a bad idea for this to be done. Dakota fanning’s mum lives in a house in rural new jersey, presumably haley joel osment lives in a three bedroom apartment on wall street, leaving plenty of space for talk re. share market/publicly traded companies which may/may not be explored, I know tao has talked about that before. There is a book festival in florida, florida is where tao grew up I think and lots of his stories are set there or at least mention there. The thing I think I smost interesting is the inclusion of an upscale restaurant owned by a lon time aids survivor. I feel like this could add a layer of poignancy/shittiness and unnecessary exploration of irrelevant themes. It probably won’t because I think tao is better than that. The classification as a “page-turner” with “elements… of the plot-less novel” seems ok to me but likely an oxymoron to other people. I am more likely to turn pages if a novel is plotless because it is more likely to interest me through ‘deeper’ themes/philosophies (lol wut a fag) than a novel with a “page-turner” plot. It seems in mainstream literary culture though page-turner is used almost explicitly to refer to books with a fast-paced narrative, involving twists and turns as well as cliffhanger chapter endings and very much plot-ful. This could confuse people. Another thing that interested me in this interview, not re. Richard Yates, was the idea of tao writing a biography of an “normal person” in the tone/style of a biography about a famous person. This is an idea which occurred to me often before reading this, and I think would interest me in reading it a lot more than reading the biography of a famous/important person. This is probably related to my seeming disdain for conventional narrative structure and is just a consequence of a mind passively rather than actively rebelling against social constructs/norms. I just realised shoplifting from American apparel doesn’t have the layout I described all the tao lin/mhp books as having, but I don’t think it counts because it’s part of a defined series that are all layed out the same way and that over rides laying out all tao’s books the same way.

Just looked at tao’s wikipedia page, “The cover was revealed on February 1, 2010, receiving a mixed, but strong and at time "baffled" response, with some people mentioning "goatse."”

This made me laugh, and then cough after laughing. I don’t know who wrote it but I commend them. The page looks too long for tao, like he has accomplished a lot but maybe not that much. It’s really well referenced for an article on a ‘relatively obscure young writer’. A quote that isn’t mentioned on the Richard Yates site but is in at least 2 of tao’s books is one by amy fusselman, which I always had problems with when I saw it. it says “Tao Lin’s fiction will kick your ass and say thank you afterwards!” Every time I saw it I thought, why is this quote on here, It might just be my general disdain for exclamation marks but I really feel like it cheapens someone’s writing when you say it will “kick [your] ass”. I completely understand why they left it off Richard Yates, which is being marketed as an illicit sex novel not as a fun happy thing. I mean no disrespect to amy fusselman, I’m sure she is a good writer. if i were to blurb tao it would be something boring like "Lin is an innovative new face on the scene. whether writing in a style of deadpan minimalism or absurdist extended metaphors, he manages to maintain a sense of self, and self awareness, that most writers can only dream of" that seems like a blurb which, if written by a famous person, would be really good and not embarrassing to put on covers of books being marketed as illicit sex novels.

Basically A Conclusion, Of Sorts

This is the longest thing I have ever written. When I started writing it I expected it to become 10k words long but right now it is hovering around 5400. I know how many words I need to write to win this contest, or at least to beat the currently submitted entry with the most words. I sincerely apologise to that person, whose essay is, I feel, objectively better than mine. Tao is an inspiration to me, I try to make that sound as non-sycophantic as possible. His writing is, I feel, genuinely ground breaking to a certain degree, as well as enjoyable. The prolificacy with which he writes is also something I would like to be able to mirror. Richard Yates has been, in my opinion, badly marketed. I feel like this has been my main recurring theme throughout the essay. I feel like the storyline has a large potential to be shitty and that a lot of people who read it are going to be disappointed because they didn’t get the illicit sex novel they were expecting. I feel that when I read it I will think it is really good, because it (hopefully) won’t be the illicit sex novel being advertised. Tao did, once, mention his predicted critical reaction to Richard Yates. I can’t remember where he decided but I think it said something like he thought 40-80% of reviews would be negative. I realise this is a broad range and is statistically likely be correct, but it seems accurate based on information not statistics as well. There will be critics who pan it for not being an illicit sex novel, critics who pan it purely because tao lin wrote it, critics who pan it for plot/prose and critics who pan it for [something, I haven’t read it]. there will also be critics who praise it for these same things, but I feel there won’t be as many. Tao appears to be fairly laissez about what people say about him, so he probably won’t commit suicide after ry receives mixed reviews. Writing this essay has not really been a good experience for me, I felt good up until about ~1000 words where I decided I wouldn’t be able to make it. I felt worried after then that I would spent a lot of time on it for “nothing” [which I now realise wouldn’t even be nothing, re. free book] and that I was a shitty piece of shit for not editing or crafting it after I finished writing. Finishing it, and being able to not really worry about the outcome is a relief. Whether or not I ‘won’ I had a chance to expel my feelings, mainly re. Richard Yates but also re. tao lin and I thank him for granting me the opportunity necessary to do so. it seems that, even though i don't hate tao, i did what he suggest people who hate him do, a "cathartic stream-of-consciousness [something]". I don't know if this means i secretly hate tao.I do know that i sincerely wish tao good luck with this venture. Good luck tao.

i'm a poor motherfucker and i'm going to exploit every single one of tao lin's free book offers

2010-06-04T02:34:00.001-07:00

pretext: i feel like, for a long time, i haven't really 'connected' with tao lin. it seems like he is less prolific than he used to be and that i have less time than i used to to 'do random shit'. i thought that writing an essay on something he wrote would, as well as get me a free book, hopefully reconnect me to what i feel is his paradigm. in writing this essay i used a prose style i would use if i was writing a response to text essay on something for school. i did this to separate myself from tao's work as well as 'showcase' a style i haven't used on this blog before.

"In the short prose piece "Marina Abramovic, "The Staring Woman at MoMA"" (thoughtcatalog.com, 2010), Tao Lin uses a range of techniques to examine his (eventually aborted) trip to visit the eponymous artist, while not letting go of his trademark literary style. His use of scare quotes, direct dialogue in a non-fiction context and sub headings helped contribute to a sense of [something] and make the piece seem ultimately successful.

The piece is a reflection on both Marina Abramovic as an artist (in the context of her work "The Artist is Present) and the author's attempts to visit this work. Three attempts at going to see the work are detailed, with the essay ending in the declaration "i (sic) guess it's really over.” referring to the end of the art exhibition and the missing of the opportunity to witness it. This final statement, which could have been imbued with sadness, is balanced somewhat by the use of the word "chill" preceding it. This use of colloquial language, present throughout the essay, lends to a greater identification with the author as well as a light hearted, humorous tone.

The aforementioned colloquial language is used mostly in dialogue with one of the authors' friends ("Thomas"). The use of direct, colloquial dialogue in an essay discussing a work of art is (as well as unorthodox) surprisingly charming. It again leads to a sense of companionship with and empathy for the author, as well as moving the essay forward at a quicker pace than it otherwise may have. Along with the dialogue, however, come a number of drug references and instances of swearing. This strikingly irreverent tact serves for seemingly no reason other than to keep the dialogue as authentic as possible. The appropriateness of this in a formal essay would have to be examined before publishing it elsewhere. The formality of the essay could also be debated, largely because of these features as well as the continued use of first person language.

The use of sub headings through out the piece is another unconventional aspect. Although perhaps common in a scholarly essay, or an essay of great length, their use in a piece barely over the 2000 word mark is almost without precedent. This aspect is perhaps not as shocking as others, but is an indicator of a style which other authors may be too tame to utilize. Lin shows a disregard for conventional writing, as he does in the rest of the piece, and seems to say “I’ll do it my way.” And in this context, it’s fortunate that he does, as the headings serve to effectively separate the piece into different prose styles and times.

Scare quotes are an oft-debated subject in regards to Tao Lin’s work. He has stated they are used for identifying clichés or phrases he would rather not use, by giving a sense of detachment. In this aspect they succeed, but to the ‘uninitiated’ reader it has the potential to confuse or interrupt the narrative flow. Others have lamented this stylistic trait as “pretentious” and “bad writing”. The use of scare quotes in this piece, however, seemed relatively inoffensive and unobtrusive. In fact, in analyzing the work of a performance artist, they seem to fit remarkably well.

The pop culture references throughout the piece appear to be included for a similar reason as the drug references. As well as showing the reader Lin is astute and intelligent; they let the reader know that he is relatable and, to a certain extent, ‘cool’. They do not, however, delegitimize the subject or the content of the essay. Because it is written in a context wider than orthodox formal writing, and written about an artist who deals in a context wider than established art, delineations from the norm are to be expected.

And these aberrations are what make the piece interesting. Rather than an ordinary essay focusing on the artist and her work, Lin has made his essay intensely personal. In this sense it seems, more so than an ‘ordinary’ work, to connect with the artist. Although the aims of Abramovic cannot be objectively determined, it is safe to assume that some type of self-exploration was intended. By doing this in an essay focusing, albeit sometimes tangentially, on Abramovic, Lin has perhaps met her expectations in a way even he did not realise. If he did realise his work was, feasibly, more ‘ordinary’ in this context than that of authors using a more established style, he does not let the audience in on it – leaving them to analyze it themselves. This cycle of analyzation, conjecture, and possible deep self exploration on an existential level, is an intriguing aspect of both Lin’s piece and Abramovic’s work.

While deep analysis for this work is possible, we need to consider not just Abramovic’s motives, but also Lin’s. Lin is regarded by many sources to be not just a writer, but a relentless self publicist. This is, to a certain extent, objectively true [especially in the context of this essay], and he himself has confirmed this perception, especially in the novel [?, i haven’t read it] “The Brandon Book Crisis”. It is possible this piece was written purely to include the drug references and innate ‘coolness’ presented, as a way to show a wider audience these things in a slightly veiled manner. Another possibility is that the work was written purely for profit, not as an authentic artistic reflection on an ‘adventure’ or Abramovic’s work. Although it could be conceived as cynical to think this way, given Lin’s reputation for this sort of posturing, it is not absurd.

While Lin’s motives may not be pure, it is unquestionable that he has produced a successful piece of writing in "The Staring Woman at MoMA"". His use of many unconventional features, as well as a detached confessional tone not specifically addressed in this analysis, showcase his skill and connection to the subject. Even though Lin didn’t get to see Abramovic’s work, his undoubted understanding and admiration for it is showcased to a great extent in this piece."

posttext: it seems like 1000 words was more than i expected. i think maybe i was strained to write as much as i did. it was like ~1010 words or so. rather than feel more connected to tao's writing i ended up feeling less receptive to it, i don't know if this was the specific piece or the 'forced' analysis of it i would normally not partake in. i feel kinda bad, in retrospect, about writing this piece because of international shipping prices tao will have to pay. soz bro. i couldn't write the whole thing in the prose style i chose, and there were a few breaks indicated by '[ ]'s and i think i used a scare quote in there somewhere too. i guess, other than this, i am pleased with this essay. after reading the two essays submitted so far, i was more pleased with this one. not because i think it is objectively better, or even perhaps subjectively better, because i did enjoy reading their essays, rather because i think writing in the style i did detached me from the subject matter and allowed to me analyze it deeper - even though that caused me to like it less. 'no offense' to kevin/henry/tao.

xD

2010-05-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

kind of, i guess, forgot i had a blog or didn't want to have a blog or something. still seems bad, don't really like the title or url. thanks zachary german for reminding me. also on the main part now it says 4 but there are actually only 3, weird. i started not reading self help books but reading summaries of them on wikipedia, i think i'm really harnessing the power of now a lot better, also weezy f baby. i bought a t shirt today that says tegel chicken sausages on it, get it because i don't eat meat haha. so funny. kind of a little happy i guess, even.

v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

2010-03-29T01:47:00.000-07:00

has anybody seen krush groove, does anyone know if it's good? i bought a second hand ipod and it was on it. i'm going to hawaii in a couple of days. 'so bourgeois'.

i hate myself

2010-03-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

feeling 'really depressed' lately, in a way in which i know i'm not 'actually/'clinically' depressed, i just feel sad in an almost 'ironic' way. seems like my default emotion for the last ~week or two. i think there are, probably, reasons for this 'false depression' but they seem ridiculous/pathetic. i wish i was not white/male/young/middle class/well educated. i wish i was born with down's syndrome. sounds insensitive or something to say that, but they are always happy. i think there was some sort of famous philosophical quote re. this but i can't think of it. i think i am 'some sort of stereotype' in regards to being an unhappy 'generation y' male. there is no satisfying way to conclude this.

everything i ate from one thursday to another thursday

2010-02-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

this is everything i ate from one thursday to another thursday. 'feel free' to shit talk me re. non veganism, vegetarianism, eating too much, not eating enough, eating too much of the same thing, not eating enough of [something] etc...

~15 chocolate pebbles

1x 'paddlepop slushee'

1x bbq kettle chips

~800 calories mi goreng w/ tofu/broccoli/cabbage/mushroom/carrot/ginger

1x smoothie w/ banana/apple/apple juice/wheat grass/barley/spirulina

2x wholemeal toast, 1 w/ organic peanut butter 1 w/ baba ghanoush

1x smoothie w banana/'tropical' juice/wheat grass/barley/spirulina

1x 'triple chocolate cookie'

2x 'kiddy pack' burger rings

1x spinach pumpkin and feta slice (~250 calories)

2x potato medallions

assorted salad greens

1x bowl 'sultana bran' w/ rice milk

1x 'tiny-ass (~30 cal)' oatmeal slice

1x plate honey and ginger tofu w/ courgette/mushroom/'mexican style rice'

1x french toast w/ organic maple syrup

1x lemon sorbet (cup, 1.5 'scoops')

1x egg salad roll

1x plate fried rice w/ peas/seitan/egg/carrot

1x smoothie w/ banana/apple juice/spirulina/barley/wheat grass

~15 'japanese rice crackers' various shapes/sizes/colours

1x bowl 'mushroom and 3 cheese tortellini' w/ 'red wine and tomato pasta sauce' (500~ cals)

4x slices garlic bread (baguette)

1x smoothie etc...

1x cadbury 'black forest' chocolate, 50g

2x vegetarian sausage w/ mashed potato/carrot/broccoli

1x slice apple pie

1x smoothie...

1x 'turkish' bread pocket w/ hummus

2x medium small - small medium? (~200 cal) spinach + feta quiche

~6 potato pompoms, 2 kumara croquettes, baby spinach

1x smoothie

1x slice dark rye bread w/ butter

~a fuckton of almonds

1x bowl neapolitan ice cream

1x plate tofu/carrot/courgette/onion/mushroom stirfry w/ brown rice

everything except country and rap

2010-02-17T02:02:00.000-08:00

'life is meaningless

god is dead,

satan lives

school is bullshit

george bush sucks!

fuck the police

music is my life

i hate my parents

holidays are so commercialized

i don't watch tv

i love tim burton'
-
some 'radical' 14 year old bro

some more

2010-02-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

seems like quality of these is 'sketchy' at best. i think they need editing.

pterodactyl poem:

if i were a pterodactyl

i would 'swoop', probably a lot

i would eat smaller animals, which i would pick up by swooping

i would not go extinct, because i can fly

i would live for hundreds of years/the normal lifespan of a pterodactyl

but i would never connect with the other pterodactyls

because i would always think things like 'fuck' and

'if i were a human'

and i would be just as alone

and just as depressed

and just as alienated

and just as melancholy

as i am now

except i would swoop more

pretty poem:

rainbows are pretty

diamonds are pretty

sunsets are pretty

the sea is pretty

nature is pretty

colours are pretty

kittens are pretty

puppies are pretty

flowers are pretty

photos are pretty

girls are pretty

boys are pretty

poetry is pretty

words are pretty

everything is pretty

haiku re. haikus:

haikus are mainstream

seems like a corrupted form

of japanese verse

conflicted as to whether posting these is, in the long term, a good idea. 2 l8 now.

__

2010-02-02T19:41:00.000-08:00

now that i have written poetry what should i do next. short fiction seems like an 'appropriate' step, as does more poetry. maybe i will write a novel and it will be the most minimalist novel ever, more minimal than any other novel ever, really fucking minimal. in 50 years penguin will publish it on their 'modern classics' imprint, and in the author biography explain that such a prodigal work by such a young author was unprecedented, and daunted by the pressure put on him by his publisher and the media, ben rosamond tragically committed suicide at the age of 17 (18?19?) seems good.

some poems i wrote

2010-01-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

damn, decided to post poems here. seems like the most productive thing to do.

i intended to write a poem

i spelt intended wrong then fixed it

i have not left my house for three days

is this even how you write poetry

i am confused re. everything

if i read poems by other people i feel like i am going to ''subconsciously'/'conciously' copy them'

i don't read many poems

[via fears of plagiarism]

'jesus'

i lay down and looked at the ceiling

then i stopped b/c it seemed cliche

i tried to do everything with a 'sense of irony'

i tried to read with a sense of irony

i tried to eat with a sense of irony

i tried to write poetry with a sense of irony

i tried to do everything with a sense of irony with a sense of irony

am i too self aware

i asked myself with a sense of irony

questioning my existence,

via 'extremely basic existentialism'

seems bleak

am i 'just' a 'carbon copy' of tao lin/

brandon scott gorrell/zachary german/noah cicero/

jordan castro/ellen kennedy/victoria trott/

miles ross/megan boyle/abigail lloyd/

r.b glaser/michael earl craig/joseph moore/

rebecca curtis/deb olin unferth/mazie louise montgomery/

matthew rohrer/richard wehrenberg jr/chris killen/

a lot of other people

seems likely

damn. let me know what u think i guess.

i changed the blog layout 'a fuckton' this afternoon too, seems better now.

today i tried to write a poem

2010-01-29T23:02:00.000-08:00

i think i wrote one but i don't know if it actually is/am too embarrassed to show anyone in case it isn't. damn.

p

2010-01-22T14:45:00.001-08:00

i base the 'successfulness' of a day on how many emails i receive. seems bleak.

~3minute fb-chat with tao lin

2010-01-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

Ben

when you are online do hundreds of people try to talk to you

23:57Tao

yes

23:58Ben

i thought so

23:58Tao

did EEE arrive yet

23:58Ben

i don't know i'm on 'vacation'

23:58Tao

sweet

23:58Ben

sweet

23:58Tao

damn

23:58Ben

when you smile is it always that big one

23:59Tao

damn

no, i think

23:59Ben

oh that is probably a good thing

i am going to bed now

i will probably notify you via email when i receive 'EEE'

00:00Tao

sweet

sleep tight bro

00:00Ben

thank u bro

my first day of 2010

2010-01-03T01:09:00.000-08:00

this is my first day of 2010. countdown with ~15 people on/around a trampoline. get kissed/drink beer. chill. go to bed in tent. go to sleep in tent/on half of a mattress. wake up in tent/on 3/4 of a mattress. see it is 6am, go back to sleep. get up at 8 am because tent is 'fucking hot.' lie in sleeping bag on grass/under trampoline. drink frozen coke. reminisce about last night w/ ~20 people. go home. sleep for ~4hours. wake up/feel sick. listen to stand up comedy/lie in bed for ~3 hours. go swimming w/ little sister. listen to more comedy. eat. look at photos from last night. go to bed. think about first day of 09, can't remember details. remember i sat at home playing phoenix wright: ace attorney on ds new years 08/09. go to sleep.

n e 1 have good stories? @emma i feel like that film will be amusing.

after i read tao lin's 'decade in review' i realised that this decade is my 'tao lin decade.' i will start 16 and finish 26 like he did last decade. feel like i have someone/thing to measure my achievements against. feel worried that his will surpass mine 'by miles.'

is yung beezy a good rap name

2009-12-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

diplo @'d me on twitter y'all, right after he @'d steve aoki. does this make me exponentially 'more relevant' or does it not mean anything at all? feel like watching 'a shitton' of bill murray and/or wes anderson movies right now. wut r u guys doing for new year. tao lin is sending me a 'free copy' of 'eee eeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeee eeeeee ee eee ee e e e e e e e eeeee' because i took a photo of 'sfaa' being rubbed on my crotch.

happy holidays

2009-12-24T03:50:00.001-08:00

it is christmas now in new zealand. i hope you have a good christmas/whatever you celebrate if you celebrate anything. i will probably spend mine being cynical. on an unrelated note you can watch this video.

h8 titles

2009-12-19T00:49:00.000-08:00

forgot i had a blog. magsafe power adapter for my macbook melted on sunday, was uncomfortable to not be able to use my computer for a few days. don't really have anything to blog about. my friend got hit by a car a few days ago. he almost died. he's in intensive care at hospital now. haven't seen him for a while but it's still weird. eating a lot of mi goreng.

gurls [pt. 2]

2009-12-09T16:51:00.001-08:00

seems like vague relationship issues don't sell as well or me as for tao lin. whatevz. here is an update. she said: "aw :/ it's okay.you weren't nearly as bad as some of the boys at the first party haha" damn, just lost my font somehow. pretty noob at formatting. i was 'worried' by the :/ face and the mention of other boys so i just said: "sweet."

seemed apathetic and shit, but then she said: "hmm.so how's ben been?" my 'sweet' should not have evoked that response. feel confused/hopeful/like i don't even care about her anymore because i live in blog years and i saw her about 100 of them ago. thank you for being un qualitative kevin, feel like i would have said the same thing to someone else.

gurls

2009-12-07T03:31:00.000-08:00

so i was at a/2 parties on saturday night. went with friends, met a friend of friend before hand when we were 'getting ready'. she was nice and quite pretty. over the night we 'flirted'/talked. was kind of 'wasted' but she wasn't. kept calling her nice and saying i would facebook her. facebooked her today: '"hey. sorry for being 'wasted/'kind of a dick'. thanks for being nice/wonderful/whatever else i said you were/are" there was a smiley face too but it is embarrassing and 'not cultured enough' to feature here. ok/not ok? i know one girl reads this blog. feel shitty now. wrote it on her wall instead of 'pming' her. don't know if what i did was right or whether she actually 'liked' me or was just being a bro cuz i was out of it. sad/angsty/'in a blogging mood'/using too many scare quotes.

.

2009-12-01T16:16:00.000-08:00

@emma you are nice i like you.

@kevin listened to the fuck buttons first album when it came out but never got that into their later stuff.

2 n e body who doesn't know hro is fucking amazing right now, check that shit out. also if anyone wants/needs a google wave invite hit me up. feeling happier.

angst

2009-11-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

was thinking about the human body. decided it was shit. i am actually not attracted to any part of either gender. muscle is yuck. fat is worse. bones are shit but not as bad as the other two. i don't think i will ever have real 'sexual attraction' to anyone except a really skinny girl. feel like that is wrong and people will hate me for it though. also this is becoming really angsty. want to write happy/funny things. 'brighten people's days'

ungh

2009-11-25T01:22:00.000-08:00

was thinking. feel like my life is important, but also feel human existence is meaningless. expanding the second feeling means my life is meaningless, so why do i still not want to die/want to do sweet stuff. seems 'shitty'/'mutually exclusive.' kinda 'depressed' now.

music

2009-11-21T22:49:00.000-08:00

feel like i missed the banger era and am getting into it now. already over chillwave i think. listening to a lot of alex metric at the moment. i need a new genre. i want someone to start making chillstep music, or punkstep. either would be fine. something 'breathtakingly original.' i don't want this to be a 'music blog' but i think i might post deep tracks here maybe sometimes if that is ok with you. a few days ago i got 50 hits. that seems like a lot to me because every other day somewhere between 2 and 8. i think i might 'make it' somehow because a lot of the time mediocre/shit things get a lot of exposure. maybe i can be like the blog version of bloc party. you guys realise if you tell all of your friends about me and i get a 'large following' you will be authentic and original, right? seems like good incentive to me. not that it will matter at all because i will still be a 16 yr old faggot who spends too much time on the internet and has 'a lot of friends' in real life but manages to never get really close to them somehow. w/e. sometimes wish i was a mainstreamer.

damn.

2009-11-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

daul kim died today. she was a 20 year old korean model who was really pretty/good but also had a sweet blog which i will link because it is still up. made me feel sad but not really sad. death is weird and i don't wanna go all deep and shit but i am scared of it and i am also scared of living it is 'fucked up.' the saddest thing is not many people will remember her. if it had been like maybe two years later that she died she would probz be irl famous and people would remember her for ages. but it wasn't. i dunno, feeling a lot of emotions with no english language counterpart. kind of a sad post in a shitty inane way.

they're not your husband

2009-11-15T22:49:00.000-08:00

i really like raymond carver. i have been reading short stories by him in between studying and decided he is probably my 'favourite author'. i don't know if i have enough people viewing my blog to effectively ask questions to my 'audience' without embarrassing myself but i guess i will try. who is yr favourite author? feel embarrassed already.

is smoking cool

2009-11-13T19:31:00.001-08:00

is smoking cool? i feel like it is. haven't smoked for ~2 months but i think i might start again. seems like the 'detrimental effects' are negligible compared to the aesthetic effect of 'making you look badass.' maybe my vegetarian/raw foods diet will cancel out bad things anyway? i don't know i'm not a scientist. seems like smoking could be related to lady gaga. mainstreamers and alts both like her and some people think she is pretty and others think she is uguu. smoking might be the 'ultimate rebellion.' seems badass and you could potentially 'kill yourself' from it.

when girls smoke it is hot if they are 'sophisticated'/alt.

am i famous

2009-11-08T21:03:00.000-08:00

8 people have visited my blog

statcounter told me

how many people have to visit your blog before you are famous

there needs to be a chart for this

~

2009-11-05T01:41:00.001-08:00

today i had a tofu burger

=<>][

2009-11-02T01:05:00.000-08:00

in english class

the teacher is talking

there is a girl with nice arms sitting next to me

she has a large freckle

on her left arm

but it doesn't

'bother me'

later i touch her arms

i wrap my hands around her wrist

felt amazing

'fell in love'

Feel like arms are important, sexually. I find body parts attractive that some other people don't. Collar bones are more important than 'tits'. Hip bones are important than hips and feet are more important than 'dat ass'. Arms and hands are also important. Is this strange.

Health food.

2009-11-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

Today I went to the health food store. It's called Chantal. Seems pretentious. Was disappointed because they didn't have kefir or tibicos. Got some kombucha drink, they didn't have a culture so I have to make my own. Feel like I will make it and then drink it and then get kombucha toxicity poisoning and die. Also got a barley grass/wheat grass/spirulina powder mix. Feel like it will make smoothies more healthy. Also got black tea. Also got aloe vera juice. Wanted to get natto but they didn't have any and the guy there didn't know what it was and probably thought I made it up and I felt awkward. Didn't make it up. My dad was there with me but he didn't buy anything. He eats meat. Also bought soy hotdogs. Ate one for dinner and it was nice. Smelt my crotch just now and it was cinnamon-y, what does this mean? Just realised I put Old Spice on my balls before and that would explain it. Feel like going to a health food store should make you automatically healthy. Feel like it already does. After I went to the health food store I went to a budget shoe store and bought some jandals because it is almost Summer. Feel like they are 'mainstream' but maybe cool with jeans? I don't know. When I got home I made a green smoothie with rocket so it was peppery. Didn't really like it but felt even better than before after drinking it. Played a Diablo clone called FATE for a few hours then wrote this. Will do some home work. Exams are soon. Should sleep.

'mad hits'

2009-10-29T04:01:00.000-07:00

So after my last post I got maybe 50 more profile views and one comment and a follower. Feel like that qualifies as mad hits. Thx Tao. Might write some more and become a 'fully fledged' member of the internet literary scene. I was walking today and my sock slipped all the way down from my above my ankle to around my toes. Felt weird, couldn't figure out why it happened. Probably a 'sign' or some shit.

'hi'

2009-10-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Tao Lin is a writer-bro. Seems like he is a leading member of the ‘internet literary scene’ and I just read he gets mad hits. He wrote a book called Shoplifting from American Apparel and now if I write 2000 words about him he will give me a ‘free copy’. Seems like a pretty authentic way to get a book. Grassroots. I read the part of it that is on Hipster Runoff and felt like it was good. I would have bought it but I feel like I have no money and I just bought Brandon Scott-Gorrell’s book/t shirt. BSG is also part of the ‘internet literary scene’. Feel like Tao is probably his bro.

Mr. Lin lives in New York which either means he is really hip or really rich. Probably both. Feel like he probably moved there from somewhere at some point but where he’s from doesn’t really matter.

I think he is vegan. If he isn’t then he probably ‘eats healthy’ anyway. Actually I know he does because I read an interview with him and it said he ate like raw onions or some shit for breakfast. I heard Israeli farmers eat raw onions so I dunno they must be good for you. Feel like I am about a tenth of the way through right now.

So at some point Tao started a ‘sound project’ with CRLS from HRO called “Jesus Christ.” (the indie band). I really like the song they made which is called Is This Really What You Want? It is somewhere down the page on my other blog if you don’t have it and you want to get it. I encourage you to do so, it will make you more relevant. I listened to it about 50 times now I think because one day I left it on repeat for a few. That was a sad day but this song made it better. Feel like it’s existential or some shit.

A lot of people think that Tao Lin is CRLS from HRO. I don’t think he is because they write differently. Tao modeled for the I AM CARLES t-shirts too. So did Bebe but no one says she is CRLS. Feel like that is sexist. Now that Tao and carles are in a band together it seems more likely but probably still not true. I dunno, maybe it is.

Feel like this will be 5 MS-WORD pages long. Don’t know how long that will be on a blog. Seems like it’s really long. Tao often writes things that are not really long. He can also write long things though (I think.) I read a story by him and Ellen Kennedy called Hikikomori where they write letters to each other. There are 99 letters and I think it is on Bear Parade. The bit I liked the most was somewhere near the start and I think it was Tao’s letter and he wrote that he woke up and hit himself in the head with a stuffed animal and went back to sleep. Reminds me of my life. Felt ‘meaningful’. Now feel like this will only be 4 pages long. In Hikikomori they also talked a lot about hot plates and the man who wrote Revolutionary Road. One time in It Tao said he ate 82g of soy protein and I thought that was an attainable amount so I tried to have as much soy protein as I could in one meal and it was a lot less than that. Felt dismayed.

I think it is really good of Tao/Melville House to do this ‘contest’ thing. Seems like there is nowhere else you will get a ‘prize’ for writing 2000 words about someone. Melville House is the publisher Shoplifting From American Apparel is on. I remember reading once that Tao maybe owned it but it is possible I am confusing that with Muumuu House which Tao actually does have a managing role in. Muumuu house is one of my favourite things. Feel like if it was actually a house I would want to ‘live in it’.

Gmail chats feature heavily in Tao’s work. There are chats you can read on the Muumuu House website and he sold people the opportunity to gmail chat with him for 30 minutes on some type of drug. I think he ended up selling 4 chats and they got like 150 USD but I’m not sure about that figure. I’ve never ‘g-chatted’ anyone before because I live in New Zealand and nobody does that here. I would like to experience this at some point. It is the only part of Tao’s work I feel like I can not ‘identify with’. Actually I probably can because I do IM. Maybe it’s exclusive to gmail chat though. I wouldn’t know.

Just went to the Melville House website and I’m pretty sure Tao doesn’t actually ‘have a stake in it.’ Whatever it is still cool. The site describes him as an ‘American Murakami’. This seems apt. I read one Murakami book and I liked it. Feel like if I was Japanese my writing would be about urban decay or something.

I wish there were American Apparel’s in New Zealand so that I could shoplift from them. I think I have only shoplifted one thing in my life. It was when I was 14 and my parents wouldn’t let me buy Trainspotting so I stole it from the Warehouse. This is like Wal-mart for Americans. I didn’t feel bad because corporations are evil. I probably would feel bad about shoplifting from AA because Dov Charney seems like a good guy. I heard he was a union buster though so maybe I would. I don’t know if Tao actually shoplifts or not but if he does it’s probably because he’s alt. and a ‘starving artist’ or something. I am almost halfway through now so it looks like it probably will be like 4 pages.

If Tao was older and my father I think that would be good. I think I read once that Brandon Scott-Gorrell wanted Frederick Barthelme to be his dad and chill with him. Seems like I feel the same about Tao. Sometimes I think it is weird for me or anyone to like anyone that they haven’t met enough to write a 2000 word blog post about them. I guess it is less weird because I am getting a book for it but it is still kinda ehh. Like if Tao wasn’t an ‘internet celebrity’ and I wrote 2000 words about him I would probably go to jail for I dunno harassment or something.

I wonder often about whether I should shave my legs or not. I feel like Tao probably doesn’t I think I saw a picture of him with hairy legs. I put hair removal cream in the shape of a penis on my leg today so now I have a bald penis in my leg hair. I feel like this is ‘avant-garde’ or something. Maybe just immature.

I think Tao Lin probably listens to a lot of music. I feel like he maybe just listens to buzz bands but I think he would probably like more stuff than that. Maybe Broken Social Scene. They seem like an appropriate counterpart to everything I read on muumuu house/bear parade/ass hi books/htmlgiant. Ass hi is another Tao Lin/Ellen Kennedy thing where Tao illustrates a piece of writing that he may or may not have written I can’t remember and the they post them as stories in a .jpg format which seems nice although a .png would probably render better.

I ate a donut today and it made me feel disgusting. I think Tao probably doesn’t eat donuts.

A lot of the time I think about what will happen when I die. I think probably nothing and that is a ‘huge problem’. I wonder what Tao thinks about this? I feel like he is probably agnostic but maybe not who knows.

I read once that Tao has a girlfriend. I think he would be a pretty neutral boyfriend. He seems so detached and depersonalized in his writing that I don’t know if he would really like connect with someone that well. He is probably completely different in real life. That would make sense. Or he would be like how he is ‘on line’ and his girlfriend would be like that too and they would just hold each other and feel nice. I think I would like that with a girl.

I think writing this may get me ‘mad hits’ but I don’t really mind because I am starting a blog just for it. Feel like it is cool I have to write 500 words more than Americans because it ‘extends me’. Either that or I ramble. I think this will actually only be ~3.5 pages long. I’ve been writing for about an hour or so now with a lot of breaks and if I was in the USA I would have got the book by now in a few words. Kinda glad I don’t live in the US because there are lots of people from there I don’t like. Tao isn’t one of them I find him quite charming. Feel like Canada would be nice.

If I had an emotion it would probably not be a little e-book. Feel like this is the main difference between me and Tao. A lot of the time I think I should try to write a poem or something but then I try and it all sounds like I’m ‘trying too hard’. Tao probably doesn’t have this problem.

Just added Tao on facebook. Had 1 mutual friend, it was Brandon Scott-Gorrell. Feel like it’s OK to add him because he has 2309 friends already and I’m writing this blawg about him. I only have 186 friends. I could have 187 but I am internally debating over whether to accept my Aunt or not. Heard the average person has 120 friends but that doesn’t seem like much.

Might even finish this in 3 pages if I use short words.

Tao kind of inspires me I guess. I always feel like my life is shit because I am boring and white and middle class and have no meaning. Tao reaffirms this but does it in a nice way. I often wish I had different cultural experiences, like I was black and lived in a ghetto or something but that is impossible and would probably not be great anyway. Tao seems to not have those experiences either. This doesn’t really sound ‘inspirational’ but for me it is I suppose. It is probably more something to do with being able to relate.

My favourite part about Tao’s writing I have read is how everything is matter of fact. No matter what he is describing it is always in the same tone and it sounds bored. Ennui. Feel like that is my main emotion. Feel like I probably have similar emotions to Tao. Decided I won’t get this done in 3 pages. Feel like Tao won’t even accept it because it is too off topic. I am sorry Tao. I understand that what I did was wrong, but I think that you should forgive me.

That was me using a line from Is This Really What You Want?

Feel like Tao probably has a MacBook. Haven’t seen anything saying he does though. I got my MacBook like a year ago and I have probably spent about a third of that year using it. Just got onto my fourth page.

Feel like this will be my last paragraph. Tao is a good writer and I really like him and wish I knew bros like him in real life. The poodle Tao had in high school looks similar to a dog I have now. She likes it when I listen to Chillwave. If you somehow got onto this not from Tao’s site with the really hard name then you should check him out but google him because I don’t know how many ‘he’s are in it. I just got over 200 words in about 3 and ¼ pages. Feel proud. Feel happy. Bye.